Hey Ayatollah Khamenei, it’s Joe Biden, and I have some news to share with you! I am just about ready to send over $ as we discussed on our last call. I’m sorry it’s taking so long, the Republicans are fighting me hard on this. They say I shouldn’t send you palettes of unmarked bank notes like Obama did, but they don’t know you like I know you! I know that your chants of ‘death to America’ are just for show, and you don’t actually want to destroy America...right? I’m working hard with the Democrats in Congress, like , to try and rejoin the Nuclear Deal. I’m not sure what all this fuss is about, if we’re allowed to have nuclear weapons, why shouldn’t you be able to? You just have to promise me that you’ll continue funding . Wait...were you supposed to stop funding those guys, or continue funding those guys? Eh, what the heck, I can’t remember, as long as we make this deal we’ll figure it out from there. Our friends in have some concern, but I’m sure we can win them over. I know you guys are really peaceful, and that once we send you all this cash and say we’re sorry you’ll stop blowing up airliners and sponsoring terrorism around the globe. Anyway, I gotta run, Xi Jinping is calling about the Uyghur genocide in China. Speak with you soon! return home

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